Prentiss Breaks My Heart and Other Important Issues; IDEKWHATTHISEPISODEWASCALLED, Criminal Minds

I guess it’s time for another one of these, huh? Probably going to be full of “I hate CBS” promotional info. That’s a warning in advance, from me to you.

I CAN SMELL THE FUNK AND ITS CALLED CBS.

That guy sounds familiar.

“You are all just animals, pretending to be something more.” Thank you, Patrick Quinn.

If he says he’s not on duty, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO GET IN HIS CAR, idiot.

Only Criminal Minds could make fresh laundry creepy.

Sorry, doll, you’re dead. Oh, yeah, it’s your lucky night, honey. It’s your last lucky night.

I saw Prentiss and my heart just turned over.

Prentiss, you are a star. With a safety deposit box. And an envelope. That’s Prentiss on that paper.

Is that Prentiss getting into that car?

SHE HAS A CAT NAMED SURGE. That is so Prentiss. Sergio.
“You’re just the handsomest kitten I’ve ever seen!” Oh, I do love how she keeps talking to the cat. This is like me talking to my cat in my house. Except I don’t have killers randomly in my house.

Who’s gonna take in the cat when she’s dead?

And now I’m going to be afraid of Unknown Callers.

CBS, YOU ARE BITCHES.

What in the world. Why … are those tasels that she’s putting on her window? Or are those signals or something? /doesn’t know

Aw, the poor girl is putting up brigades so she’ll know. Prentiss, do you need a cuddle? I think you need a cuddle. You look like you could use a hug. Do you want a hug?

My roommate just speculated that Emily isn’t her real name. It probably isn’t, considering the name of her last episode. And her name was blocked out on that thing, right there.

Yes, Garcie doll, you – oh, JK SHES HERE.

“Soembody want to mind your own business?”

NEVER CHANGE LOVE.

I like how Reid knows that. And how it was rhetorical.

Hotch is wearing his ‘is not amused’ face.

FLOATERS. My mind goes to floating pieces of poo. IM A FIVE YEAR OLD OKAY?

I love Garcia’s eyeshadow.

“Your daily allotment of skeeve before breakfast!”

/DED

I hope that gets in your eyes, mister.

DON’T BREATHE IT IN THAT’S BAD FOR YOU.

Is he recreating the scent of momma’s fresh laundry?

I love that they have ipads. It makes me giggle.

Reid is making tea while talking about chemicals. I’m now thinking of inception.

OMG REID I CANT EVEN KEEP UP WITH YOUR SPEECH DARLING BB.

I think Reid gets in six or seven words for every one of Rossi’s.

Ew. Did we actually have to see the foot?

WITHER AND DIE.

“498…. .3.”

Never change.

S.O.P. turn that backwards and you’ve got a text acronym.

Oh, just get out of the taxi before he kills you, love.

Hotch and Rossi could both read the phonebook and sound like BAMFS.

I don’t know what Reid is wearing, but it’s cute.

… your hair, however, I do not have an opinion on.

“I … am… going…to…”
Be killed?

“Woman, you do know you’re crazy, right?”

“I’ll explain it to him, Garcia.”

“The OTHER lady g.”

GARCIA MY LOVE FOR YOU IS FUCKING ENDLESS.

I wish this show would never have changed. I wish JJ was still there and Prentiss wasn’t leaving and they could find some other way to have angst with the characters. Because this show? The point is that they’re a family.

“You’re gonna live forever.”

Well, it aint a gypsy pony.

ITS BECAUSE HE LIKES THE SMELL OF LAUNDRY, HONEY.

ANSWER THE PHONE.

ITS RINGING.

RING RING RING, BANAN PHONE.

Oh, look, Morgan on TV. YOU KNOW WHY? Because JJ isn’t there.

Sir, that tie is too short for you.

Oh, it’s that – yeah. That’s him. You found him!

My mother gave me paper soap and my first instinct was to eat it. Thankfully, I stopped myself.

 Morgan’s noticing now, and when something actually goes down, he’s going to feel absolutely so terrible.

“Derek, because I like you, I’m going to ask you not to do this. Please.”

FFFFF.

IS HE TRYING TO MAKE HIS MOTHERS ACTUAL SCENT? OHGOD. I CANT EVEN.

THAT IS SO MANY DIFFERENT LEVELS OF DISGUSTING, SIR.

YES, CBS. THE GAME YOU ARE PLAYING IS OVER. NO MORE SHOWS FOR YOU.

(Let’s take a moment to acknowledge that I almost typed that as ‘showers’.)

Did Hotch just say “natural scent”?

“This is wonderful and totally uncommon!”

Kinda like Garcia?

“Reid and Prentiss, search the house!” ß- hehe.

Reid’s face right now. and god, Prentiss is so good with people. WHY TAKE HER OFF THE SHOW?

Aw, Reid didn’t look at her. That was cute, Reid.

Morgan’s been playing Grand Theft Auto, obviously. Morgan is the king of grand theft auto.

“Split up!”

This = NEVER A GOOD IDEA. Don’t you go back and review your past episodes, guys? REMEMBER REVELATIONS? AND THAT TIME HOTCH DECIDED TO CRASH A CAR.

We gonna put this car in reverse.

DAMNIT. They should have done that entire chase in backwards motion.

YOU KIDS BETTER STOP THIS OR IM GONNA TURN THIS CAR AROUND AND TAKE IT STRAIGHT BACK HOME. BAU FAMILY VACATION TO JJS HOUSE?

Oh, he is so many different levels of dead right now.

TELL ME HE DOESN’T HAVEA HEAD RIGHT NOW.

Their faces definitely suggested he didn’t have a head.

Awww, Emily. I’ll cuddle you and make it better. Come on, honey, accept your team’s help. Before it’s too late. And god, do not open that package. It’s dark.

OKAY THIS REMINDS ME OF WHEN HOTCH GOT SHOT. THIS IS HOTCH ALL OVER AGAIN.

Except girl’s got her gun! Girl is a BAMF.

Of course it’s Reid.

LOL HES CALLING – did he just ask her out? Because I’m totally going to have about fifty text messages from a friend in about five seconds.

“Sorry, hansome, I’m gonna have to pass.”

“Relax, Reid, sergio is my new cat.”

“but thank you. For being you.”

“aw, thanks. I don’t know how to be anyone else.”

“That’s what I love about you.”

BREAKING MY HEART. AND THAT’S THE MOMENT WHERE I STARTED TO SHIP THEM.

…. It’s a rose. Do they even make… not a rose.

And she’s gonna sniff it, typing the entire episode together and that si so many different levels of weird, right there.

CBS YOU MAKE ME HATE YOU FOR DOING THIS WELL.

She’s being taken. Poor baby. Well, this is in the past. But still.

That guy has really blue eyes.

He’s totally going to die. Just saying.

Goddddd, my stomach is flipping. Oh, Prentiss. If you die I will cry a fucking river of tears. A river, alright? A river of never ending tears.

Oh, darling, you’re going on the run, aren’t you?

It’s time for a preview. Is the next episode the episode? Because I’m getting that feeling. That isn’t possible though, is it? No, they’re still filming! There’s gotta be one more. Maybe she’s jut going to go stay at Reid’s house and *whimper*.