Apparently It's Father's Day; White Collar, 2x12

Here we go again, another episode of an epic show. I hope we get backstory! Or something. Though no matter what, this show is always epic. And you know, beautiful. Congratulations on your face, Matthew Bomer.

“No, you fled to france.”
“Nitpicking.”

“Neal’s robbing a palace, wish you were here.”
I fucking love this show. With a burning, fiery passion. So much that I just spelled passion “pashion”. I think I need a postcard that says this now. You could fill in the blanks on the postcard. “blank” is robbing a palace… you get the point.

“I like vikings.”

Norse things! I have a soft spot for things that are norse. And also for things that are Peter.

“No pidgeons were harmed in the mining of this ruby. “

PETA would be proud, Neal. PETA would be proud.

Of course he just knows these things, Jones. He’s a BAMF. And of course you’ve never considered it, Neal. Of course. Give or take eight years.

Peter, Neal, taking a vacation. Making vacations quite sexy since … 2011.

“Chris isn’t just any kid, is he?”
“He’s your son.”

And now this actually means something – and Peter is going to want to do something about it.

“We’ll handle this.”

See? What did I say. Peter always comes to the rescue.

“Your dad was a brick layer. Not a diplomat.”

And now we know what Peter’s Dad does! I love finding things out about them. It makes the episode, really.

“My dad? I don’t know much about him.”
“There’s a big gaping hole before your eighteenth birthday.”

“My dad was a cop.”
“A cop?”
“You said start small. Have a  nice day.”
“You get-“
“Nope!”

A cop? Oh my god, that’s … heee. <3 And also, the “You get-“ Nope!” reminds me of myself and decaf. Because we constantly cut each other off with verbal bitch slapping. So much so, that my mother used t to think that we were actually fighting.

Oh, I love Mozzie and Neal. They’re absolutely adorable. And I adore the way Mozzie speaks.

“Are you heading down that road again?”
“You wanna lay down on that couch and get your notepad?”
“No thanks, doctor Freud.”

Poor baby! He doesn’t know who his real father is? Oh, my heart is going to break for him.

“I said he was a cop.”
“You gonna tell him?”
“Neal, he could be useful.”
“Mozz-“

“Like getting smuggled out of a Burmese fortress?”

Neal looks absolutely dashing with those glasses and that suit. You can pull off anything you wear. (Especially nothing. Let’s try that.)(Now.)(Get stripping.)(Tick tick tick…)

“Why does your way beat my way?”

Because he’s wearing pretty glasses and has the know-how, that’s why. JUST PLAY ALONG, PETER.

“He makes up for totally forgetting it last year.”

Oh, Peter, it’s okay. He’ll make up for it plenty. BUY HIM SOME GEMS, NEAL. NAO. Make them sparkly. Because diamonds are a girls best friend, and we all know that Peter secretly wants some diamonds.

“I think this could be the one.”

I think you could be the one, too, Neal – for me. /shot dead

Guh, those glasses are absolute perfection right there. And I love how Peter is trying so hard to pretend he’s interested right now, and it’s so obvious that he’s not. Aka, “FASCINATING.”

And Neal is a BAMF knowing all of that. Men with illegal know-how, a+++.

“Peter, you jjust burned a perfectly good alias.”
“And you named me after your dog.”
“Touche.”

Peter is now Satchmo, and Satchmo is now Peter. BOOM. *snaps fingers* Oh, I love the music right now. That was beautiful.

Yes, Peter, we need to show him the razzle dazzle with our jazz hands. Jazz hands!

“It’s like giving an alcoholic a drink.”

Oh, Peter, how I do love you. You’ve got Neal’s number, oh yes you do.

“Take?”
“Use.”

Sureeee, Neal. But you know what I love – that Peter trusts Neal enough to tell him about things like that now. Because at the beginning of the show, he wouldn’t have told him where the FBI agents sneeze, much less where they keep their confiscated diamonds.

Neal’s face is totally going to be epic in about five seconds. Or, you know, not. As there are only one or two gems in there. And that is totally an inception brief case right there. We put Neal and Peter inside Burma, which is inside Burma, which is also inside BURMA.

“You need to get out more, flash dance.”

Mozz is a crazy scientist!

“Note my immediate boredom.”

I like how this is called simple now. And how Peter just showed up, and is going to watch this go down. And also, mispronouncing plebian. LULZ.

“Will this fool our brit?” <3

“Aw, you told him he could keep the equipment, didn’t you?”

Hah, of course he did. Mozz has got to have some incentive, now. Don’t worry, Peter, just write it off in your taxes. Heeee, Peter is helping! And I wouldn’t mind this muscle show once an episode. You know, because … sorry, lost myself for a minute there.

“All gems have flaws.”

Unless that gem is named Matthew Bomer. Cause that bitch is flawless.

THIS IS TOTALLY THE EPISODE WITH DIANA ON THER UNWAY.

And she knows about Mr. Satchmo.

Jones, you look beautiful right now.

HER FACE when that guy said “I know”, was priceless. Because it definitely said “this is why I don’t go for men.”

“You’re barking up the wrong tree. In so many ways.” <3 So much love for this. Also, Peter is adorable when he’s protective of Diana. Even though she’d totally kick him in the nuts for being protective, if he did so outright. Gotta keep it secret, now.

“Scottish rock collection.”

BB I LOVE YOUR ACCENT.

Diana looks like she’s in pain. I would be, too. THIS GIRL DOESN’T DO DRESSES.

Also, my Dad tried to pull off that hairstyle once and it didn’t –

There’s a gun pointed at him but it’s okay because Jones is there, being a bamf.

Good boy, Peter.

“Hi!” Ohgod, Diana. <3

I could listen to this guy talk all day. Just in case anyone was wondering about that.

But back to my Dad’s hairstyle – dear people over forty, please don’t try to wear your hair like that. It’s just frightening.

Neal leaning against the wall like that. UNF.

And he looks upset. “A twelve year old doesn’t know what he does or doesn’t need.”

Poor BB, it’s okay. I’ll pick you up and cuddle you.

“Yeah. Well you’re his father. He should have kept trying.”

Damn, Peter totally caught on to that one. Ask about it. Comfort your son, Peter. COMFORT YOUR SON.

This episode is sponsored by Prevacid? I’m going to NEED prevacid after this episode! I absolutely love when they talk about Neal’s past. Or his lack thereof past, and he totally needs to have Peter adopt him as his pseudo!son. Not that this isn’t already, you know, fanon. Or basically canon at this point.

*squishes them both*

Matthew Bomer talking about religious tolerance. This is love.

Come on, Peter. Talk to Neal about it…

“Uh oh. He’s got his crossword.”

SO MUCH LOVE.

“I don’t want to talk about my Dad.”

Well, props to Peter for trying. And about to continue trying.

“You made that up!”
“So sue me.”

HAHAHAHA. <3

You know what? That’s the first time

“Oh, Neal, I’m sorry.”

I’m guessing that he’s lying right now, too.

“I pretended I was my Dad. I got really good with guns.”

And there’s that. There’s that, right there. Why he doesn’t like guns. Or something happened while he was playing with those guns … or he’s lying. WHY SO MANY MIXED SIGNALS, SHOW.

But what I was saying before. That’s the first time Neal has lied to Peter. He’s said he’s never lied to Peter, and then he said that his father was a cop. And that was a lie. That means his father was helluvalot important to him. Or a really, really sore spot. Either way, I want to pick up the poor thing and snuggle him.

“Get Wilson on the phone.”

But where’s House?

I like her music tattoo. Around her arm.

“Slow progress is lasting progress.” That was his Dad. <3

We’re going back to the Burmese embassador! And … I don’t think they were actually in Burma before, were they? /things I’VE JUST REALISED

And random caps lock.

I wouldn’t mind is Neal did searches on me. And Diana totally gets to do the serach.

“I take it that’s … a no?”

Oh, Neal. <3

“Fine.”
“Really?”
“Go.”

HE TRUSTS HIM, HE REALLY TRUSTS HIM.

Oh, come n, don’t ask him to steal things! Now he’s set up against Peter. Maybe this will lead to us knowing about guns?

“Diplo-speak.”

This episode is all about fathers and I <3

He just called Mozzie “Liz Taylor.”

I love creating international incidents.

Peter showed up.

And Mozz is smoking. Inside his jacket.

IT’S A SMOKING JACKET.

“Oh, God, Neal. Don’t do it.”

Peter, I love you. You’re protecting your friendssss.

“It’s what a father should do.” <3 Yes.

Peter, Peter, Peter.

“I don’t know how badly it messed with your head…”

Oh, Peter. Neal. You break my heart. The both of you. This show = breaking my heart. Little pieces. Must be put together with glue and tape.

Note to self: buy glue and tape.

“If this were your son or my son… I know what you would do.”

I love that Peter would totally do it for Neals son too. That is win. (And I’ve always thought, if Peter ever had a kid, it would be a daughter. Just saying. And that Neal would be the godfather.)

“I can’t protect you.”
“I’m not asking you to.”

I’m diabetic, my blood sugar is through the roof, and I’m delaying taking care of it to watch white collar. /priorities, in order

Is Peter going after Neal anyway? Tell me that he goes to protect him anyway.

“You could have chained him to the desk…”

Let’s have innocent thoughts now!

“I warned him!”
“Yeah, but you didn’t stop him.”

I LOVE THIS SHOW WITH A BURNING PASSION.

That is Peter’s BAMF face.

“Neal?”
“Peter!”

“I’m already savouring.”

Oh, this show. <3

I love that Peter is helping. LOVE IT. Omg, makes my life so completely. Peter is going over to the dark side, and I love it. Very much. So completely. WITH A PASSION.

(To anyone who is wondering about me: don’t worry, I shall check my blood sugar and fix it. Decaf, Temp, brother, I’m looking at you.)

“November 8^th, what’s your reason for not paying this one?”

He was doing nanowrimo, obviously.

And her bag is smoking. LOLOLOLOL.

“Oooh, you should call that police, have them look into that.”

Peter’s voice right there was an epic win of all epic wins. Peter needs to come to my house and help me deal with people I don’t like.

“No, I took it from a street in Manhattan!”

Love. <3

They’re all sitting on benches. <3 Is that the son? Oh, this reunion is going to suck for Neal.

The look that Peter and Neal just shared.

Poor Neal. He doesn’t get a reunion with his dad. *snuggles the baby*

Peter, you should hug him now. Hug him.

Unconventional is their specialty.

PETER. NEAL. HUG IT OUT.

“You asked me about my Dad. I think my Mom told me what any kid would want to hear.”
“That he was a hero?”
“He wasn’t. He was a dirty cop.”
‘You’re not him>”
“If I’m not my fathers son, who am I? Certain things are… in ym blod.”
“I don’t believe it. You did that. Christopher is free because of you.”

And <333

“Tell me about your mother.”
“Not a chance.”
“Did she wear hats?”

(Not like Diana wears hats, of course.)

CARLITOS. WAY. Oh, nobody but decaf will know how HILARIOUS that is.