Neal and his manpain, White Collar, 2x13

And here we go again, followers, readers, conmen and feds alike.

“Work implies I have a job.”
“Apologies.”

“June?”

Sorry, no. That’s a guy. Good try, though, Neal. /exhausted

Is he a conman, too?

June reminds me strongly of my mother. It’s just … her personality. A kind soul. Though my mother is not now or never has been married to a con-artist. That I know of. If she has a secret life, please speak now or forever hold your peace .

“And if I ever did try, you’d break one or both of my arms.”

BRB LOLING FOREVER. Oh, Diana, if I ever met you, I’d give you a gold star.

“But he may be a criminal… afraid you’ll lose that nice roof of yours?”

Because June likes criminals.  

Satchmo! He likes shiny things and swallowed the handcuff keys? Oh, and she is so serious, Peter. Apologize to the puppeh! Peter is obviously the dog. In the doghouse. Give him a kiss, El. (I love these two.)

Eek, a murder suspect? And my mother has not now or ever has housed a murder suspect.

Neal is looking very good in that suit and tie. I want to crawl inside it.

“Cause this isn’t the guy I met.”

LOL.

Why is there a dog driving a car in this commercial? I really do not understand. The dog is – there’s a tiny puppy in the road, too! It was adorable. I want it. That is all. It was all gray and spotty. And now there’s a peanut running a marathon. “Your shell is your temple.” Actually, Connor is my temple. /primeval jokes

Jones! Haha, I just realised Jones and June are two letters off. /word geek

“Always did feel like home!” Oh, Neal. Neal, Neal, Neal. <3

“Have Diana sit on him.”

Love how it’s Diana that’s sent after the gang.

Are they going to start singing now? Please? Pretty please with puppies on top?

“Back then the three of us were inseperable.”

It was probably like the past versions of Mozzie-Peter-Neal or Peter-Neal-El.

And poor June. <3 She misses her husband now. Oh look! Neal found a receipt. That closet is the size of my damn dorm room, I tell you! Neal’s giving him that “I see what you did thar” face.

Is that man wearing a whistle around his neck?

Guh, Neal. I want to run my fingers through your hair and … /distracted

Nope, not a whistle. Just a weird little stoney thing. Anybody wanna tell me what it is?

Now it looks like a whistle again. Or maybe he’s wearing two necklaces and it’s overlapping.

Also, Neal just gave that little laugh that said he’s not as interested as he is waiting to make his next move.

“Oh, we’ve got book club on for tomorrow!”
“it’s very exlcusive.”
“And so is this.”

“What kind of crew?”
“Not for rowing.”

THIS SHOW WHAT I CAN”T EVEN.

“How do you feel about dinner parties?”

I heard that as non-sexual.

BRING EL TO THE PARTY. BRING HER. SHE’LL LOVE IT.

“No! I said no!”

Andddd the phone rings again – he’s calling El, isn’t he.

“Oh, hey Neal!”

FUCK I LOVE THIS SHOW. MAKES MY FUCKING LIFE.

I CANT EVEN. GOD, SO MUCH LOVE.

“Well, what’s wrong with mixing a little business with pleasure?”

“And you’re paying me with dinner! Dress nice, okay?”

God, I love these two so much.

“Peter! You baked.”
“Pie.”

Ohgod, I’m dying SO BADLY right now.

Peter’s face when he said “outside patsy”.

“It’s a compliment.”

I can’t even. So much love. Is that June singing? Yes. Yes it is. So much love right now.

“No way.”

YES WAY.

SING, DARLING.

My life has been made. Can there be an anetire CD of this? Because I’d buy it.

El is all –smiles-.

“And you by the way!”

“Peter, you dance?”

OMFG GUYS DO SOME SALSA. My ovaries would explode. There’d be a fire. IN MY SELF.

“Thanks, honey! Thank you.”

This episode = my life = made.

“Before I have to sing something from Pippin!”

“Hang in there!”

Peter looks like he wants to jump off those stairs. HUSH WE ALL KNOW YOURE ENJOYING THIS.

Yes, we’re having a party without you. Sorry. We all love you anyway. *nuzzles*

Peter just gave El the look that said “DO SOMETHING DISTRACTING.”

And then they winked at each other. These two should go into the art of conning the fuck out of people. Because they would. Con the fuck out of people.

“I was almost put on background vocals!”

Aww, he looked back at El before leaving.

Neal and Peter are now doing some work.

And it’s gone. DECAF (who wants to become caffeinated) said five seconds ago, “that’s going to be gone.”

Okay, so from now on, decaf will be known as IR. This is “Italian roast.” Let this be known as the moment where my friend “decaf” becomes my friend “Italian roast.”

The Fairly Legal commercial – “You almost got killed! For what? For coffee?” Appropriate moments were appropriate.

Can we have White Collar back now? I’m getting bored of commercials.

“I have a warrant for your toenails.”

Thanks, CSI commercial. Thanks.

“Nor do I!”
“You’re late, Mozz!”

“Did you bring ice cream? From your truck?”

WIN, PETER. DO YOUW ANT A GOLD STAR? PETER BURKE DESERVES A GOLD STAR.

Neal’s face is so happy right now.

“Really? You’re not comfortable?”

“You look like a twelve year old who just found the lingerie section of a sears catalogue.”

And you look like a father who found his twelve year old trying on that section.

“You two really do work together.”

Yes, they do. Oh so beautifully. They make daily endeavors in ovary explosions. It’s just a giant BOOM.

“The list was long.”

Santa checked it twice.

“Wake up, brush your teeth…”

Peter has some pretty epic lines in this one.

“Ford wears a hat.”
“I’m not him, Peter.”

“People can change, Peter.”
“Maybe.”

THAT SAID SO MUCH RIGHT THERE. ITS OKAY BB. WE ALL KNOW YOU LOVE EACH OTHER.

God, that man’s eyes are so beautiful it’s like they’re practiced in the dark arts.

“Are you ready to introduce Neal as your pinch hitter?”
“You like what I did there?”
“I did, that was good.”

“Not since Carlito’s way.”

THIS SHOW. MY HEART. CANNOT HANDLE.

They played that beautifully.

Criminese. Like Japanese, but with more criminals.

“Watch this.”

Peter sounds like a proud father. ITS ADORABLE. HIS FACE.

“All right! I’m sold!”

<3 all of this. This episode. Is beautiful. A beautiful thing of beauty and joy. And also joy. And more beauty. And father-son relationships of adorable.

“Gear up! Now!”

He’s so worrieddddd. Because Neal and Neal and –has a fit-.

Neal’s face at the guns. He just went pale. *cuddles* It’s okay. Daddy!Peter will coddle the fuck out of you.

Can we get back to the show now? I want it back now. THERES A HALF HOUR LEFT I DIDN’T REALISE THIS BUT THIS IS A THING OF BEAUTY.

That looked like Madeline Carroll in that Justified commercial – yeah, like, the little girl from that movie Flipped. *will have to check that*

If there’s a half hour left of this show, can you please kidnap Neal? Yes. Yes, I lek this plan.

LEK. /not even bothering to fix this.

Is Neal going to fix it? Of course he’s going to fix it. HES NEAL.

That guy has such a creepy face. No offense to that guy – actually, all offense to that ugy. His face is –

Peter is so relieved right now. <3 *strokes his hair*

That was way too close for Peter’s satisfaction.

Neal looked all too happy to have that anklet off – and the fact that he’s letting him keep the anklet off. That he’s willingly doing that.

“You want to be like him when you grow up?”

PETER IS ACTING LIKE A DADDY TODAY.

“If ever you do decide to grow up.”

“You can either be a con or a man. You can’t be both.”

“What, simple word association!”

“Oh, come on!”
“You tell me what else rhymes with Burke.”

I LOVE THIS SHOW.

Peter and Neal are working together, being epic, RUNNING THAT ENTIRE CITY LIKE IT’S THE SIMS AND THEYRE THE GODS.

He’s using word association now.

“The BCU.”

My mind goes, “Or the BAU.” Except they screwed up that team and that’s an entirely different sort of matter.

“June?”
“Yeah. And a home.”

Nealllll. *cuddles*

“I want a team to Ccaffrey’s place now!”

Shittttt. Shit. Shit. Shit. SHIT ON A STICK OF SHIT.

/cuts the cursing

And he’s not answering the phone anddd we’ve got a problem. HOUSAN, WE HAVE A PROBLEM. It’s name is Neal.

Crap. Mozz, tell me you’ve – good. Good boy, Mozz.

WHAT. WHAT. BOTH MYSELF AND ITALIAN ROAST CALLED THAT ONE. The taking him thing.

And we’re back. With frightening music.

Don’t touch Neal. Don’t you even.

Anddd Neal just – god, he is sexy with that hood on.

That guy has his training down. The both of them remained calm and – until, of course, they used pictures of his daughter. Which is so not going to go over well with Neal.

I feel like those guard men keep multiplying. THERE WAS ONLY ONE ORIGINALLY I SWEAR.

“Talk to me!”

I’d talk to you.

Peter driving that car. <3

“He’s smart, isn’t he?”
 

Do not point that gun at Neal. And sdlfkjsdf, he always looks so frightened with that gun around.

“Can you – thank you.” <3

Of course, he’s ace at what he does. So very sexy with your criminal moments, Neal.

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS MAN. ITS NOT EVEN REAL, I SWEAR. WERE BEING TREATED TO A HOLLOGRAM OF PERFECTION AND BEAUTY.

Neallll. Poor thing.

Oh, Mozz is working with Peter willingly! He’d do anything for Neal, of course. Even work with the feds.

“I accept your accusation.” Of course you do.

Don’t point the gun around, unless we get to know why Neal is afraid of guns.

“You’ve been running this since the moment we met.”

Poor thing.

“what is this?”

“I guess someone is really worried about that cat.”

PETER IS NOW A FIREMAN.

“Is that real enough for you, sweetheart?”

I’d assume.

“Unlike you, I’ve got a partner I can trust.”

LSDFJSDLKFJDF. NEAL.

Not another commercial. COME ON, TV.

“Until the suspect is secure and Caffrey’s safe, nobody moves.”

This. THIS. THIS SO HARD.

Anddd Peter had the gun pointed at him.

LOL BOYS.

Ha, so, Neal is going to take that hat, isn’t he?

“I tried to help him.”
“You know, there’s one thing Byron figured out that Ford never did. There’s no such thing as a final score. Only the next one. Unless you figure that out, you’re going to lose in the end.”

ITS CUT UP NEWSPAPER.

Neal looks crusheddddd.

And he left the hat there.

Are they gonna sing again? Because that would make my life. Please start singing again. PLEASE START SINGING AGAIN. OR DANCING. SINGING. DANCING. BANANAS. IN PAJAMAS. ARE COMING DOWN THE STAIRS.

Oh, the poor girl is crying.

I think you should hug her now.

“Then why let him in?”
“To remember. What Byron and I had. Even if I twas just for awhile. Maybe I wanted to go dancing again.”

TAKE HER DANCING. RIGHT NOW.

Come on. I want to see you dance, darling.

“May I?”

HERE. TAKE MY OVARIES AND RUN.

Neal dancing. June dancing. NEAL AND JUNE DANCING EVEN IF IT WAS FOR FIVE SECONDS.

And now he’s sitting with his hat all dejected.

And Mozz just stops talking, because he realises.

“You ever think about how all this is gonna end?”
“You maen the big score or the big house? Is there another option?”
“Byron found it.”
“True love. The biggest con of all.”

“Youre a cynic.”
“Of course. You know what they say. Old conmen never die.”
“Our smiles just fade away.”

“So you got rid of the printing plate?”
“It may have found its way back inside of the table.”
“For a rainy day.”

NO. NO SEASON FINALE. NO. NO. NO. NO. FUCK NO.

Shit. Peter just got kidnapped. SHIT ON A SLJFSDLFKJSLDKCMSDOFMSDF. WHAT IS THIS. WHAT WHAT WHAT. I CANNOT HANDLE THE TRUTH. I CANNOT HANDLE IT. CANNOT. FUCK YOU TOO, SHOW.